You decided to become a foster parent—congratulations! Although this is such an exciting time, if you are new to foster care you may also be feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or uncertain about what to expect and how best to prepare for your first placement. While some of those feelings will settle with time, there are actionable steps you can take to help set yourself up for success.  

Outlined below are eleven simple tips to prepare your home, family, and yourself for foster children. Paying attention to each of these areas can positively impact the transition into this new chapter of your life.

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Declutter and Organize

Transitioning to a new environment is challenging for anybody—let alone children who are often coming from a place of uncertainty or chaos. You can help to ease this move by spending some time tiding up your home before they arrive. Try eliminating unnecessary clutter and organizing your space in a way that makes sense or has a natural flow.

Pay specific attention to where you place common items like snacks, hygiene products, and clothing. Make these essentials easy to find and access.

Consider removing too many sentimental items so as not to overwhelm your foster child(ren).

Anything you can do to ease confusion, and to reinforce a sense of inclusion, can go a long way to helping your foster child(ren) understand where they fit in.

Take Safety Percussions

Make sure to install cabinet locks on any doors and drawers that have potentially dangerous products inside. This could be cleaners, chemicals, sharp kitchen utensils and appliances, or drug and alcohol products.

Per state mandates, you will want to make sure that any medications or prescriptions are placed inside locked boxes.

Some foster children may be dealing with emotions, trauma, or behavioral issues that can lead to outbursts or destructive behavior—whether intentional or not. Until you are familiar with your foster child(ren)’s behavior, it’s a good idea to consider putting away any valuables or fragile items you are not willing to lose.

You might also want to consider locking up any important or private documents.

Create Blank Canvas Opportunities

Try emptying a bin, coat rack hook, kitchen or bathroom self, and closet space for your foster child to place their personal items in or on. The more bits of personal space you can create throughout the house, the more opportunity you have to help create a sense of belonging for them.  

It is highly encouraged to purchase a few basic items that you can have on hand for foster children coming into your home. However, don’t go overboard. Leave some blank spaces for your foster child(ren) to fill in—it can go a long way with helping them to settle in. For example, you might purchase bed sheets and pillows for your foster child(ren)’s bedroom but consider taking them shopping to pick out their own comforter and wall décor. The same can be said for clothing—try to have a few items on hand but take them shopping to choose some of their own pieces as well.

Letting your foster child(ren) create spaces unique to them can be an amazing opportunity to get to know them better. Use those opporutnities to ask questions about their likes, dislikes, preferences, and interests.

Be Patient

Although you may be excited to get-to-know your foster child(ren) right away, give them time to settle into your home first before you overwhelm them with questions. They are processing a lot, which means they will need space to sort through it all.

Provide Access to Technology

Think about how you can support relationships between your foster child(ren) and biological family, friends, and relatives. Giving them access to computers, cell phones, or other methods of communication can make this easier for them. Of course, always keeping their safety in mind.

Ask Questions

Do not ever assume that information pertaining to your foster child(ren), or anything relating to their case, will be handed to you. As a foster parent it is very important that you ask questions, and A LOT of them. If you agree to take a placement, talk to social workers, teachers, school counselors, medical professionals, or anyone else how might have helpful insight regarding your foster child(ren).

Request court reports, medical records, or other documentation that could give you a better understanding of what you might anticipate (if any) for mental health issues, behavioral challenges, disabilities, special education plans, family dynamics or the like.

There will be information you are not legally allowed to access, but there is nothing wrong with asking for as much as you can possibly get. The more you know, the better you will be able to provide for your foster child(ren).

Do Your Research

Once you have a better understanding of your foster child(ren), educate yourself! Do your research to familiarize yourself with signs, symptoms, behaviors, parenting techniques etc. that are related to the challenges your foster child(ren) may be facing. Check out books, search online, talk to professionals, reach out to other foster parents, and equip yourself with as many tools as you can to best support your foster child(ren) and their needs.

Evaluate Your Personal Situation

Being a foster parent is very demanding and requires a lot of energy. This is not to say that you must have your life in perfect order before fostering—it will never be perfect—but you might want to consider a few of the following questions before accepting your first placement. The more that you have your own affairs inline prior to fostering, the more you can provide the time and space needed to create a positive fostering experience for you, your family, and the foster child(ren).

Are you currently in debt?

Fostering a child means additional expenses—if you already have a tight budget this might cause some strain on your financially. Yes, you do get money from the state to help support your foster child(ren), but it is often not enough to cover all costs associated with caring for them.

Is your family life, marriage, or other relationship stable?

If you are experiencing instability in any relationships in your life, dealing with these tensions may cause too much added stress to you, your foster child(ren), or both. Try to reconcile any relationship issues you might have before bringing another person into the mix. Modeling positive, healthy relationships for your foster child(ren) will be important as many of them are coming from homes that have not seen good examples of this.

Do you have any significant changes happening soon? Career changes, moving, pregnancy, surgery etc.?

Foster children often need and thrive off predictability and stability. Entering the foster care system is a huge disruption to their life, and one that takes time to adjust to. Throwing another major life transition at them can cause more harm than good if they are not equipped to deal with it. Sometimes it can even be a trigger for trauma, mental health, or behavior challenges.

Consider waiting to take your first placement until after a significant life change happens and you yourself have had time to process it and settle in.

Prepare Your Family

Any time your family dynamics change it will take some time for everyone to adjust to the new normal. To ease this transition, make sure to have conversations with everyone involved to discuss what they can possibly expect and anticipate.

Younger children can be greatly impacted by a new addition to your home. Often, they will feel ignored or neglected. Special, dedicated one-on-one time where your child feels loved and appreciated can really help to make this adjustment easier.

If you have extended family or close friends that will be impacted by your decision to foster, it’s not a bad idea to sit down and prepare them for the changes as well. They haven’t been through the trainings and courses you have, so help them out a bit. Issues of confidentiality can be a big source of tension for many family members. Talking to them about your role as a foster parent and laying some ground rules ahead of time can help to eliminate the constant questions.

Identify a Support Team

Although it will be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life, being a foster parent is also lonely, frustrating, stressful, traumatizing at times, and exhausting at times. The only way to get through this journey is to have support.

Take a few moments to search out local organizations, church groups, or online communities of other foster parents that you can connect with. Also, I highly recommend that you consider finding a therapist—the more proactive you can be in taking care of your own personal mental health, the better.

If you have family and friends that you can lean on, that is fantastic! However, there will be are many situations you experience in your time as a foster parent that will be difficult to explain or get advice on from those who haven’t been through the process themselves.

Prepare Resources

Once your foster child(ren) enter your home, you will have a lot less time on your hands. Each situation will vary, but it is not uncommon for foster children to have a ton of appointments, meetings, and visitations to navigate especially during the first few weeks they are in your care. Also, during the first few weeks you will need to make some trips to stock up on clothing, food, or personal items for your foster child(ren).  

Prepare as much as you can ahead of time in terms of knowing what resources are available to you, so you aren’t scrambling to figure out where to go. Prepare a list of school contacts, doctor and dentist offices you may want to utilize, local donation centers or organizations that may be able to help with providing necessities, stores you think your foster child(ren) might enjoy, and any other services that your foster child(ren) may need to utilize.

Conclusion

Choosing to become a foster parent is a big decision—one that is sure to have a major impact on your life. While your emotions may be running wild with so much to do, you can help ease this transition by being proactive in preparing your home, family, and yourself for this new journey. Paying attention to these eleven key areas discussed above can eliminate some stressors and triggers from the equation altogether.

As you go through this process of preparing your home, I would love to hear from you…

Comment below—which step did you find most helpful? Which was most challenging? And which step made the biggest difference for you?

Wishing you all the best on this incredible journey!

♥ Mandi A.